Several years ago, I'd taken on a very overwhelming project which took me far outside my comfort zone. I knew it was something God wanted me to do, but it was definitely not within my area of experience or expertise, and I felt extremely inadequate.
For weeks I thought about it, talked with my husband about it, and brainstormed ways I could make it happen, but I kept procrastinating the actual doing of the project.
Then one afternoon, as I was driving the car around town, running errands by myself, I felt a voice inside, which I can only describe as the Spirit of God, say, "April, it's time for you to start doing all of the things you've been planning to do."
I paused for a moment--knowing what I should do, but trembling inside at the mammoth amount of work that lay ahead of me and all the insecurities I had to overcome.
The voice had been so real and so close, so I responded aloud, in a timid whisper, "But I'm scared."
And then that voice asked me this question--which has stayed with me ever since.
"Why are you scared when I am your Guide?"
That single question--and the beautiful love and power that accompanied it--sank right into my heart.
And in an instant, my hesitations, fears, and frustrations with myself transformed into a sure knowledge that I could do anything God wanted me to do--as long as I let Him be my Guide.
I moved forward with the project and grew in enormous ways through the process, but the point of this post isn't to talk about that.
It's highly likely (and possibly certain) that each one of us is "holding back" in at least one area of our growth and development because we are scared. That's human nature.
Maybe we're afraid to open our hearts to others, afraid to write that book, afraid to even try to be that mom/wife/sister/friend whose image is perfected in our minds.
I've actually been feeling really happy lately--so much that I've been pausing often during the day and thinking, "Wow, this is happiness. Right here! Right here!"
But there are occasional days when I'm afraid to even get out of bed because my whole day feels like Mount Everest. My life feels scary to me.
I posted this scripture on my desk a few months ago:
Behold, I will go before you and be your rearward; and I will be in your midst, and you shall not be confounded.
That image of God going before us and behind us and also being in our midst completely empowers me.
I'm not the perfect follower, and I definitely stumble and lose my focus and make tons of mistakes, but when I look to God, study His words, pray to Him, and offer my whole heart to Him on a daily basis, I don't feel afraid anymore. I don't feel the need to procrastinate. I'm convinced I can do hard things.
That is a beautiful, beautiful feeling. And it's available to all of us.
I hope some of these thoughts might be helpful to those who pass by this blog today, and I welcome any additional insights you'd like to share.