Wednesday, February 9, 2011

And then the next day it all went downhill . . .

Yesterday was a good day.  I felt energetic and optimistic, and we had fabulous (if not sometimes crazy) family experiences.  It's helpful for me to chronicle the things that work because the idea is to "make things work" as often as possible.

However, I know how things go with blogs, and I don't want anyone to think that I "have it all together" or that every day works out perfectly around here.  My cute friend Susan referred to me as "superwoman" the other day, and I had to cringe because I am NOT superwoman in any sense of the word, and I feel terrible if anyone gets that impression. It just means I'm not communicating clearly enough.

This morning has been absolutely awful, and I thought you might like to know that.  I don't know why we like to hear about people's awful days, but here you go:
  • About half of our family is feeling sick today--some weird stomach bug/headache/dizzy kind of thing.  So Grace is home from school, and we didn't give each other kisses after our family prayer because we don't want to spread any germs, and we're all a little bit cranky.
  • Or maybe it's just me that's cranky.  As I read different blogs, I haven't noticed many women talking about hormone swings, but I think it's important to note because I'm sure I'm not the only one.  As I'm getting into my 30s, I'm noticing that at specific points of each month, I start to feel like the whole world is coming down around me.  I feel overwhelmed at the thought of grocery shopping, I want to cry when Spencer starts tearing the office apart, and I don't even know where to begin when I look at my "to do" list.  It's quite frustrating because I'll have several great days in a row, and then all of a sudden I'm a complete mess.  Eric asked me to write a letter to myself saying, "It's okay.  Life is going to get better," so I actually did that last month, and I'm hoping the letter will work today :)
  • All right, and now that I'm trying to list all the things that are going wrong, I'm realizing that my hormone/not feeling well-self is the main problem, and everything else will work itself out.  I think I'll stop making this list and go take a little rest on the couch.
Part of me wants to give up on blogging (but of course, I can't make any real decisions when my hormones are out of whack).  There are lots of pros and cons to it:  I like to share ideas that empower and excite me.  I like being connected with friends and letting people see into my heart (because having heart-to-heart conversations with anyone besides my husband is a rarity nowadays).

On the flip side, I don't like worrying that what I say might come across wrong, and I don't like the fact that a blog can't possibly represent an accurate portrayal of a person's life.  I worry that perhaps this isn't the best use of time.

I'll keep thinking about it, but in the meantime, please know that like you, I'm doing the best I can, and like you, I'm struggling every day.

And if you have any suggestions or thoughts or ideas to share with me, I'd love to hear them.

Love,
April

7 comments:

  1. So true! No one blogs about that. I'm so glad to read your blog today, to know it's not just me so that I can just get up and keep carrying on. :)

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  2. I have hormone swings!! It was so bad Monday afternoon & evening that I just couldn't stand my kids anymore and any whining started to produce a physical reaction in me & I was SO annoyed & cranky. I woke up Tuesday & didn't feel completely recovered from it (lol), but when I got to Betty's she totally insisted on taking Tyler with the boys for joyschool- which I felt beyond bad about & made some excuses until she said "listen lady, I need a diaper for him" and went and took him from his seat, lol. It was exactly what I needed: a BREAK. During daylight hours! Maybe what makes us women is that we all feel this way, but what makes us SUPERwomen, is that we endure through it, using each other & our families for support, and make life as happy as we can :)

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  3. Okay Susan, now that we know we're all on the same page, what can we do (as a community of mothers) to better support each other? Let's do some thinking and figure it out. We all live so close--there's no reason why we should individually be going insane sometimes. Love you!

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  4. I SO appreciate this because I've found one of the most important parts of growth is recognizing the reality of where we are now! Like a map~we can't possibly get to where we want to be when that's all we're focusing on. I need to know the "you are here" (it would be fabulous to have one of those little pointing arrows~but I guess part of the process is figuring it out) in order to keep myself from unreasonable expectations. I think part of the reason that we like to hear about other's "awful days" is because of the all important empathy factor and the "we're all in this together" factor.

    I've heard SO many mothers express discouragement because of what appears to be our fear of not measuring up~but after talking with them I find it seems to be more of a fear of opening up about the current realities we're dealing with. We're afraid it will come across as complaining, or expose us as the only one lacking in one way or another~ when in reality it just means we're human (and for some of us that's scary).

    Yes we would like to always be improving, overcoming, growing etc. but the awful days are as much a part of that process as the amazingly wonderful, glorious days. The Law of Rhythm helps us realize the ups and downs are BOTH necessary to "propel" us upward (like a diagonal squiggly line;) So, yes I appreciate and feel a need for the inspiring, insightful, joyful posts~but I also appreciate and need the other side of the coin!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks so much, Amy. I would absolutely love to have a "You are here" sign. What a fun idea :)

    I also think you're right that we're afraid if we "broadcast our reality," people might think poorly of us. I think everyone can relate, though. I don't know anyone who only has ups, but I do think the happy times deserve the most focus.

    I appreciate your comment!

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  6. You are so right on about the hormone thing. Even though I try to remember each month so that I can be prepared it seems to ALWAYS catch me by surprise and I don't realize what is happening until it is over. I wonder if there is anything that can help that?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I SO appreciate this because I've found one of the most important parts of growth is recognizing the reality of where we are now! Like a map~we can't possibly get to where we want to be when that's all we're focusing on. I need to know the "you are here" (it would be fabulous to have one of those little pointing arrows~but I guess part of the process is figuring it out) in order to keep myself from unreasonable expectations. I think part of the reason that we like to hear about other's "awful days" is because of the all important empathy factor and the "we're all in this together" factor.

    I've heard SO many mothers express discouragement because of what appears to be our fear of not measuring up~but after talking with them I find it seems to be more of a fear of opening up about the current realities we're dealing with. We're afraid it will come across as complaining, or expose us as the only one lacking in one way or another~ when in reality it just means we're human (and for some of us that's scary).

    Yes we would like to always be improving, overcoming, growing etc. but the awful days are as much a part of that process as the amazingly wonderful, glorious days. The Law of Rhythm helps us realize the ups and downs are BOTH necessary to "propel" us upward (like a diagonal squiggly line;) So, yes I appreciate and feel a need for the inspiring, insightful, joyful posts~but I also appreciate and need the other side of the coin!

    ReplyDelete



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