Tuesday, September 3, 2013

When You Are Hormonal, Don't Talk to Anyone

I just shared this epiphany of mine with my husband:

"When I am hormonal, I shouldn't talk to anyone.  Because I will say something I don't mean, and then I will regret it, and things will frustrate me that really aren't that big of a deal, and the whole world will seem wrong, and I won't see things as they really are."

After listening patiently, he responded, "Will you please go write that down somewhere? And I will etch it in stone?"

Very funny.

But here's why I said it:

This morning was a disaster.  I didn't sleep well, I'm not feeling well, and it's a very hormonal time for me.

A child of mine was also having a hard morning, and so the two of us clashed . . . quite a bit.  We weren't yelling at each other, and it wasn't that bad, but for me, it was tragic.

I got overly frustrated about something that wasn't that big of a deal. (Or maybe is a big deal.  I just can't see clearly right now.)

And then my child reacted negatively to my overreaction.

I dropped that child off at school--both of us in a huff--and then I drove home as a bit of an emotional basket case.

I ranted to my husband for awhile about what a bad mom I was this morning and how I feel like a hypocrite when I do Power of Moms if I'm not mothering the way I should--ESPECIALLY on the day that our book is released.  (Hello!  If I publish a book called Deliberate Motherhood, should I not be the model mother on its launch day?)

And then Eric said the right thing (as usual) and told me I would be a hypocrite if I didn't have challenges I could write and teach about.  Because who wants to hear from a perfect mother who has zero challenges?

I felt a little better after that.

And now I'm writing my new "When-I-Am-Hormonal-Don't-Talk-to-Anyone" rule here on my blog--where it's out in the open--so I won't forget this great piece of advice.

Of course, I'm talking to you right now, and that's kind of breaking the rule, but I'm thinking you'll forgive me.

(Anyone else have special rules they follow?)

Much love,

The not-so-perfect-mother-whose-mothering-book-is-launching-today-and-I-really-AM-excited,
April

17 comments:

  1. April, I had this very same thought this morning for me! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. I fear I might never be able to talk to anyone ever again if I followed this rule. :) I do have great success with a rule that I do not talk about stressful or difficult things after 10pm. (Of course, I get to decide what is a stressful conversation, and my rules for that are pretty fluid, much to my husband's chagrin.)

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    1. Love that rule, Megan. And yes, I worried I would stop talking altogether--because sometimes I'm hormonal when I don't even know it. (Now I just say to my husband, "Am I hormonal?" And if he gives me "that look," then I just sit quietly.) Thanks for your thoughts here!

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  3. When I hormonal, I give myself a break and everyone else around me a break. I realize that I am not really crazy, but the hormones make me feel crazy.=)

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    1. Excellent advice, Heather. I am SO bad at giving myself a break. But that's a new resolution. :)

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  4. I get all out of sorts when I'm hormonal too. I have learned that when I start feeling that way for about a week, I let my kids and husband know and apologize in advance :)

    Honestly you admitting your shortcomings makes me admire you that much more. I love Moms who are so real but are so amazing and trying their hardest!

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    1. Thanks Cheryl. And I love your idea of apologizing in advance. I'm working on that!

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  5. Ah --- we've all been there. Glad to see you share openly about it. :)

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  6. Yes your husband is exactly right!!! That is something I know that first kept me loving the power of moms is that it is real! There are so many places out there that make you feel guilty or bad as a mom because you aren't living up, but Power of moms is real but gives you hope and something to work for but you know it will be okay when you have your crazy days along the way.

    You my dear are amazing. If it had been me that morning, sadly I am too sure I would have yelled.

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    1. Thanks Emily! That's why I love Power of Moms, too. Because we don't expect each other to be perfect, and when we have a rough day, everyone understands. Love you!

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  7. I'm not allowed to talk about anything important after 10:00! I say things I regret when I'm overtired!!! That's my rule!! I think you're a great mom because you can step back and survey what wasn't working.plus you're real and that is awesome :)

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    1. Thanks Cate! It sounds like 10:00 is the agreed-upon cut-off time for all of us. :) xo

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  8. P.S. This is actually Cate's ^^ twin sister Candi. I was accidentally still logged in as her! We love your website we discuss what we learned or are implementing every day on the phone!! We are twins and both have 2 small children. She recently moved to Idaho and I moved near Bountiful for my husbands Grad school. This is our first time living away from each other. Besides our phone calls to family members yours and Saren's podcast are the only adult voices we hear somedays until our husbands come home!. We talk about you like your one of our friends. Constantly saying "did you hear what April said about ____" Thank you for your example. I feel like because of your hard work that I'm no longer "surviving" but "thriving" in motherhood and in my own development. I would not worry one bit about having hard days. I think IF i NEVER heard my wonderful/awesome/ amazing mom get impatient even once I would have thought something was wrong with me the first time I got/felt impatient with my toddler!!! The thing I love about power of moms is that we just encourage one another and share ideas about whats working! Plus even if you were ever frustrated with your children you have such a sweet voice I'm sure that it doesn't come off too mean!!! They are lucky!! Seriously I agree with my older sister when she said "I wish I had Aprils voice its so nice sounding, it sounds like honey!!"

    I did have one question though. I've read both articles on body image, read the comments and listened to your podcast. I've been verbally being a lot nicer to myself. But I still don't know how to eat or exercise.... I've been on and off diets since I was 7 (i'm 24 and an average size) and I'm tired of dieting. I was thinking that a lot of the women I look up to are on and off diets and that it will just be a way of life. But then I thought about you and how you are just living healthy. How are you doing that? I think that you might be the only women I know of that knows how to do that!! And I don't want to be in my 50's still confused about food!!

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    1. Candice, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment! I was thinking about it a lot, and so Saren and I recorded our most recent radio show on this topic. Didn't know if you'd seen it yet. Hope you're doing great! xo

      http://powerofmoms.com/2013/09/healthy-eating-and-no-more-diets-radio-episode-24/

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  9. APRIL!! I love love love that you are so honest and open here. I actually copied your quote and put it on my computer so I can refer to it when I am hormonal and remember to not get so mad at my daughter because I asked her 10 times to brush her teeth, or get frustrated with my son that he dumped goldfish on the floor after I said not to. Thanks for your great advice and stories here and at power of moms. you are amazing!!

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  10. Oh my gosh, I needed to read this. Today was the worst day (there really WAS yelling, and lots of it) and I'm just relieved to see something real. Thanks for having the courage to post this. (And come to think of it, I think I'm hormonal, too.)

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  11. I really needed to read this. Last weekend something happened that was out of character for me and I as I was licking my wounds I realized I was hormonal. Now I'm having to deal with the consequences this week and it is so hard. I'm so afraid it is something that will have lasting impact that I almost don't want to deal with it anymore. But, it is what it is and I hope that everyone will learn a lesson from it. I've learned I need to just walk away from confrontational situations when I'm hormonal. I need to engrave that somewhere where I will see it often. It would cause so much less stress.

    Thank you for keeping it real and reminding me that as a mom I'm human.

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