Monday, April 11, 2011

One of My Biggest Weaknesses

Last night I woke up four times with a tight chest--feeling some pretty heavy anxiety. After burying my head into my husband's chest this morning and crying about how I don't want to die, and after he massaged my shoulders and promised to help me through this, I started to do some serious thinking.

One of my biggest weaknesses (I'll just take one at a time here) is that I am over-ambitious. I just get so excited about life, and since I'm good at organizing/managing what's on my plate, I sometimes forget that I only have one plate.

Well, I'm learning now that I can't trick myself into thinking I'm Superwoman. Why I didn't learn this before, I don't know, but at least I'm learning this now.

So until I can get my bearings and figure things out, I'm going to take a little blogging break.

My scripture group met with me this morning, and I can't even explain how much I love these women. They're the closest thing I have to a Learning Circle, and they help bring me back to reality.

They remind me that I can't be all things to all people and that I need to be satisfied with doing my best (which, to me, is like telling a postman to be satisfied just delivering mail to a fifth of his route), but fortunately, no one's bills or packages depend on me, and most of my deadlines are self-imposed.

This morning I also read Lecture 6 of a book called "Lectures on Faith," which taught me that unless I KNOW that I'm living the life God wants me to live, I won't have the faith necessary to handle life's challenges. THAT is my solution.

I'm going to stp back a bit, give my life a hard look, and ask God to show me which projects and activities are most essential. Then I won't deviate. I won't say, "Well, I can squeeze this in," or "but wouldn't it be fun to just . . . ?". I will stick to the plan, listening to the Lord for additional instructions, but otherwise saying no to all those extras that are throwing me over the edge.

I'm not quite sure how this blog fits into the equation yet, so if you see this post up at the top of my blog for several weeks or months, I'm sure you'll understand. There are so many great, inspiring blogs out there that I will continue to benefit from, and maybe I'll be back someday soon to join in the fun.

Much love,
April

9 comments:

  1. Take care of yourself! Enjoy your break of giving to so many people. We all need that from time to time.

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  2. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!! I always say it'll be fun to learn this and do this etc . . . I'm sure many moms understand. . . I do.

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  3. Take care of yourself first. Here is one of my favorite thoughts for you. It was said to me, and it really helps me when I am totally overwhelmed.
    There was only ever one perfect person in the world and you, Patty (insert your own name here) are not Him.
    Hope all is well and that you find the peace you are searching for.

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  4. April - you are so wise and tuned in (not only to God but to yourself). I totally support you in your stepping back and I have full faith you will know what is right and where to focus. I refer to that principle often (from Joseph's LOF) - that part about knowing our life is in harmony with God's will for us. Love you April. You do so much good wherever you are and whomever you are with. Blessings.

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  5. I have that feeling in the night all the time. My mother tells me it's when the spirit really wants me to be aware that something is so important. And following this last conference, nothing is clearer than understanding what is important in regard to families.

    Often, there are things that don't fit that equation. I'll miss your insights but love your strength to prioritize :)

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  6. I echo the previous comments and appreciate your "realness" and courage to do whatever God wants you to do. Even if this blog stays in your "Incubate" folder, you have given us so many thoughtful posts. You are a real gem, April, and I hope you sleep peacefully. (Also, I love the postman analogy!!)

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  7. Hello, sweet April! Just wanted to let you know that I think you are truly WONDERFUL. I appreciated reading through this post of yours because I think it's so honest and a powerful reminder that none of us is "Superwoman/man." You really do have a lot on your plate, and I think you're teaching a valuable lesson here by allowing God to remove what may be unnecessary on that plate, even though everything on there is good. I am amazed with all that you do and even more amazed with all that you are. I hope you are able to feel great peace with the balance you are seeking. :) I wish we all lived closer so I could help with babysitting and such once in awhile. I love my nieces and nephews and would love to see them more often. It was great having you all here recently! Send my love to the whole family! I love you! Abrazotes! ;)

    T-R-I-S-H

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  8. I have that feeling in the night all the time. My mother tells me it's when the spirit really wants me to be aware that something is so important. And following this last conference, nothing is clearer than understanding what is important in regard to families.

    Often, there are things that don't fit that equation. I'll miss your insights but love your strength to prioritize :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE!! I always say it'll be fun to learn this and do this etc . . . I'm sure many moms understand. . . I do.

    ReplyDelete



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