Last night I woke up four times with a tight chest--feeling some pretty heavy anxiety. After burying my head into my husband's chest this morning and crying about how I don't want to die, and after he massaged my shoulders and promised to help me through this, I started to do some serious thinking.
One of my biggest weaknesses (I'll just take one at a time here) is that I am over-ambitious. I just get so excited about life, and since I'm good at organizing/managing what's on my plate, I sometimes forget that I only have one plate.
Well, I'm learning now that I can't trick myself into thinking I'm Superwoman. Why I didn't learn this before, I don't know, but at least I'm learning this now.
So until I can get my bearings and figure things out, I'm going to take a little blogging break.
My scripture group met with me this morning, and I can't even explain how much I love these women. They're the closest thing I have to a Learning Circle, and they help bring me back to reality.
They remind me that I can't be all things to all people and that I need to be satisfied with doing my best (which, to me, is like telling a postman to be satisfied just delivering mail to a fifth of his route), but fortunately, no one's bills or packages depend on me, and most of my deadlines are self-imposed.
This morning I also read Lecture 6 of a book called "Lectures on Faith," which taught me that unless I KNOW that I'm living the life God wants me to live, I won't have the faith necessary to handle life's challenges. THAT is my solution.
I'm going to stp back a bit, give my life a hard look, and ask God to show me which projects and activities are most essential. Then I won't deviate. I won't say, "Well, I can squeeze this in," or "but wouldn't it be fun to just . . . ?". I will stick to the plan, listening to the Lord for additional instructions, but otherwise saying no to all those extras that are throwing me over the edge.
I'm not quite sure how this blog fits into the equation yet, so if you see this post up at the top of my blog for several weeks or months, I'm sure you'll understand. There are so many great, inspiring blogs out there that I will continue to benefit from, and maybe I'll be back someday soon to join in the fun.